For David Toze: Tell me who you are
I.
The places I love most, few tourists ever see or know about. They are far away places, not always reached by traveling lonely, forgotten roads, but places inhabited by a different sort of life, often fixed in tradition. Those who know them whisper stories to the outside world, but otherwise, they are often overlooked, or few go through the expected trouble to visit. Those who do are rewarded. As a rule, if you are a foreigner here, they will be kind. Make an effort to learn a bit of the language, and you’ll find such travel not too difficult at all. As for those who make a habit of such journeys, I hope we can always appreciate the unique beauty each new destination has to offer, because without the joy of discovery, or even revisiting with a new perspective, what joy can there be at all?
Some thirty hours by connecting flights from Washington D.C., Jakarta, where I live, is a convoluted crusting of skyscrapers and malls, slums and festering canals. Like the pungent smell of fermented fruit, it requires a particular taste to appreciate. There is little you wouldn’t find here in the way of commerce, and, for an expatriate, the cost of living is startlingly cheap. You learn to ignore the mixture of exhaust that coats everything, and the streets are crowded. People from all over the islands come searching for a richer life. For me, the village is where I’d be happiest, a small, seaside fishing town, lapped to sleep by the sound of the waves, coaxing gently into the early morning waters for trolling.
From here, there are plenty of unfamiliar, out of the way places easily reached by wheels or air. Banda Aceh, for example, is just another hour north by plane. Outsiders are uncommon, except for a few hard-core divers and some disaster relief volunteers. A tragic city, Banda Aceh, sitting on the rugged nose of Sumatra, made famous for that wave of anguish broadcast around the world.
It has been years since the city was scoured. The shattered homes and hotels, the rusted, overturned cars, and the churned bodies have all been swept up and carried off. But there are still signs of its enormity, almost forgotten, on the outskirts of the renovated and renewed. Past the market stalls with sinewy beef backs hanging in the open air, and twenty minutes down a washed out road is a rusty container ship lying across a weedy pitch, three miles from the coast. Its long flat bed, faded tower, and the empty catacombs of the hull are now a playground for unwatched children and adventurous teens. It lies quietly in the overgrown grass as if this was always its maker’s true intention.
It’s unreal to imagine, tens of thousands pulled from the wreckage, half buried in mud, their stiff bodies piled high into the backs of trucks, carried off, laid into wide pits and buried again. The survivors never learn who’s where, but just come to the closest of the grassy lees whenever they feel the tug at their hearts. How had it been that day? Many must have seen it from a distance, carrying their tawny sacks of nutmeg and rice up from the docks, and on the horizon it can barely be discerned. First it is a gentle hill on a plane. As it rises, it sucks at the corners of the sea, revealing bare sand inside the seawall, or perhaps broken coral, jagged and white. It rises, curling its hood over the morning sun.
It must be terrible, the rushing awareness. Some just drop their arms and stare, but most run, maybe scrambling to the top of a coastal palm. Some seek shelter in nearby buildings, yanking the door closed, barring it with their bodies. Others just dash off, not knowing where. It comes in first with white foam, rolling up the piers, thumping ships like thimbles in its caress, and doubling over, it stamps the earth. Miles away, in their homes, in their cars, they are swept off with never even a gaze. Mad, sudden, and uncaring, it runs through the streets, through the doorways, rushing over the city, returning everything to the primordial.
It doesn’t take long to explore these sites at leisure before heading on to the next destination. There is an off shore island known for its diving. The seabeds nearby are rich with underwater canyons, a volcano, and a number of wrecks. A ferry leaves in the late afternoon. On the road to the port, on the corner where the tarmac turns onto a causeway that leads out to sea, is a mosque painted cloudy white, with a chocolate kiss top and the up reaching arm of a minaret. It is one last reminder. When everything here lay splintered from back to front, this mosque alone remained perfectly intact, although stained by what the sea had passed through it. I never did see a photo, but can imagine its importance as a symbol. You can still see its tower from the causeway’s end where one waits to catch the boat.
Have I been lucky? It’s hard to say, only that anything I see or touch has an aura of mystery about it, and that I have somehow been able to pack my bags and board whatever means I may to get here, and when the call comes, I board again.
II
When you take that late ferry, there is a little place I know where you could stay; it’s not much, but if you’re looking to get away, there’s nowhere else like it. It feels great to be at sea, skipping west, and long after the old city is behind, something else begins to materialize: the sleepy, green headdress and limestone cliffs of an island peeking his forehead over the waves, backed by a curl of clouds and on either side, endless ripples dip to the horizon.
As the boat gets closer, the dock comes into view, and then the land sags with brush, bunching together to form hills. Take a four-wheel drive up the treacherous curves to the lookout, below is a forest with a stream, swollen from previous rains. Crawl through it carefully, there are no bridges or switchbacks, only steep drops down to ridges and up again. In some places the pavement has completely washed out, and wheels spin through dry sand. Cling to the ledges on sharp curves, and wale the horn to alert oncoming motorists. The brush hangs further out as the road narrows at an almost indiscernible rate, until, upon meeting an oncoming car, one must pull aside.
Park in the center of a coastal village, and although the afternoon may begin to darken, just take the path leading through the random scattering of shacks. The hillside here is dense with the insects’ buzz and the slope to the left rises to jungle; the right is a steep decline to the rocks. Night can come quickly, but don’t let that make you nervous, because there it is, reflecting its bulk against the dim sea, close to the bottom of a rocky slope, and reached by a scrambling, barely visible path. Tell your interest to the old woman draped in a headscarf. She’ll grin and hand you a key, then climb down and you can unpack. The cabin sticks from the slope like a mine entrance letting the porch jut over the water just above where the waves crash into the rocks. Its interior isn’t much: a bed with a mosquito net, a plywood table, and a simple toilet, but the hammock slanting across the porch from one corner to the other is divine. Lie there endlessly, breathing, swinging, and listening to the tides rhythmic thunder. Then go inside to sleep.
III.
If, when I wake, the white glare is streaking through the window mesh and the tattered curtain, I will slip below the mosquito net and cast a shirtless shadow in the doorway, cup my hand against the hard sun, see the channel sparkle, and across it, a smaller island. And if, with mask and snorkel, I can still stroll down those wooden steps, and down over the bulging stones, I will wade in. I know the white sand’s slant, falling away until I glide above a gathering of sea urchins blotched in neon red. There are always the reef fish: parrots, damsels, butterflies, that wind through the labyrinth, and the flaring lion is motionless in shadow, hunting, until the bottom blurs with evanescence blue-green. Long needles dart just below the surface, heralding nothingness’s seeming eternal.
If without visibility, who can tell how far? I have no idea: a meter, twenty, there are no bearings below, but above the ripples I can squint past the shimmer at my stilted hut, and it seems I’ve past the center, but far still, far to go. I can wallow, stuck in a salty surface. My hands together stretch ahead, then out, wings of an awkward angle. Knees curl and feet scissor, driving through the mist. Opaque emptiness outside, around me, and in my mind, the oncoming curve of a tiger rising in jagged dome of mouth, but I keep gliding and enter a school of tiny, blue trigger, nose down, hanging. I am to and through.
There a real shark glides, sleek, black tip on the dorsal. And then three below, roving. Breathless, I hover in the wave. The bottom now emerges, a boulder, cinnamon-tinged. The woozy floor encrusted in rough shadow rises dimly to the light. Sunlight breaks with the waves and glitters. Each coral shape, a new city of plates, of branches, sprawls into the cove. They are all below my feet as it washes to white sandy ripples. Trees come all the way to the shore. I climb the limestone. The paths bend on the coast and into the forest. Here is a nice boulder to sit while I dangle and reflect against the sun. Brain coral below my reflection is deceptively near, and there, on the distant side, my lovely bungalow. Still there, deserted, looking quite deserted from this bank.
unfinished
































